


the voice of my heart

by jaecken



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Scientist!Brian, android!jaehyung, doctor!sungjin, he's brian here bc i keep calling him brian in my head, sorry bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 09:44:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15264768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaecken/pseuds/jaecken
Summary: this is the world told through a doll's eyes.





	the voice of my heart

**I.**

 

From the moment the doll opened its dark eyes, void of any trace of humanity in its empty gaze, it had always known that it was born to sing — a mere doll whose purpose for its existence was to sing until it could not anymore; to sing a song of the stars, of the galaxies that its master had created, a story from his head that became the ink to paper. It blinked its eyes, adjusting to the bright luminance that lightened the otherwise dark and messy room. a man whose height stood a little below the doll's, who was round and bulky where the doll was frail and slender, sat in front of it.

The man’s eyes was what drew its attention – a pair of orbs that were dark in hues, but for some reason, it felt as though there was light inside those pools, and it simply stared at the human for a moment, could not find the correct word to describe them, before the man spoke.

"Ah. . . you're finally awake,” these were the first words it had heard, and its first thought was that the man's voice was melodious, pleasing to the ears. gentle. The doll simply blinked. "Can you speak?"

It nodded once and parted his lips to speak. "Yes." Polite. Short. Exactly just as how it was made, it supposed.

The man's mien softened, shoulders slumping. "It's a success," he had whispered. His lips then curled up into a wide grin, and the doll noticed how the human's eyes turned into small crescents as he did so. The doll blinked. "I’m Kang Younghyun, but people call me Brian anyway. Can you repeat my name for me?"

The doll nodded once again and parted its lips to speak. "Yes. Kang Younghyun. Brian." Its tone was monotone, lifeless. It was though it was not living at all — and perhaps it truly was not. It was aware that it was a machine, a doll so to speak. It was not supposed to have any emotions.

The human seemed satisfied with the doll's response. "Good, that's good. Make sure to remember it." The man reached out a hand toward the machine, fingers entangling with the latter's blond locks, messing his hair. It simply let the other do what he wanted – after all, this man was its master, its creator.

“How shall I address you?” it asked.

“Call me by my name. Brian.”

“Master Brian?”

Brian laughed and he patted its head, his smile exuding cordiality. “No, just Brian.” It could not understand why he did not want it to address him with proper honorifics, but it did not question anything. It was what the master preferred – it was not in its place to question it.

“. . . B. . . Brian.” The name rolled off its tongue effortlessly, naturally. It was easy to say, though the doll wondered why its master had an English name, when he could be using Younghyun instead. “Brian,” it repeated once more, and the smile on Brian’s voice was just as soft as his voice.

“That’s right. And your name. .  . you shall be called Jae from now on.” The doll whose name became Jae, simply blinked at the other’s words and nodded. It flexed its metal and slender fingers above its thighs, and in a voice that was too lifeless for anyone’s liking, it repeated its name. It sounded foreign on its tongue, but the name was as simple and easy to pronounce as its owner’s name.

That was the day it was born onto this world, and the day it had gained an identity.

 

**II.**

 

The world was a vast place, Jae had noted in its mind when it had gone out to walk on its master’s request. The doll did not stand out that much – at least, not in a way its master would not have liked. It looked just as human as anyone around it, yet at the same time, one could tell there was something different about it. Perhaps it was its beauty that not even the ladies could surpass, or perhaps it could be the way its movements were robotic and precise, or even the way it spoke, that despite having a beautiful voice, was far too cold for the summer.

It had been six months since the day it had first opened its eyes, and the first time it had sung in front of a crowd, rather than just its creator, had happened that day. There was a piano in the streets, by a café that was buzzing with a crowd that seemed too big for an afternoon schedule. Brian had sat down and placed his fingers above the keys, and the mere sight of it brought back a strange feeling that Jae had first felt when it looked at his eyes. Jae realized that it still did not know what word it should use to describe it.

Brian pressed a single key, and the melody came quite easily after that. Jae had always thought of this, but Brian was a talented man, someone full of life and inspiration that he inspired even the strangers they had met once in their lifetimes. Jae stood beside the man, and just as natural as it was for humans to breathe, Jae sang whenever there was music, wherever it might be, for that was its reason to exist. Without its voice, it was nothing.

Its voice flowed, flew around the world, reaching the ears of all those who were nearby. Each word, each lyric, was sung with emotions that Jae did not possess, and the humans started to gather. The doll did not stop singing until Brian ended the masterpiece, an impromptu song that was simply made because of his desire to play and his desire to hear Jae sing.

At the final note, Jae’s voice echoed, almost angelic, and then it faded, a wondrous closing end for the music. Claps filled the air, yet all Jae could focus at was the smile of pure happiness adorning its master’s features, eyes turning into its favorite crescents. Brian held out a hand toward it, and Jae took it without any hesitation, not even knowing what it could have meant.

“You sang well, Jae!”

“Of course,” was its immediate response. “My voice has been tuned by you.” Brian tilted his head to the side, letting out a soft sigh. A child, perhaps around the age of four or five, approached the two of them, stopping in front of the lanky doll.

“You have a really pretty voice, mister!” the child said, and it simply blinked. “And you look really pretty too! Are you a doll, mister?” Jae had already opened its lips, to say yes, it was a doll, but Brian had squeezed its hand first, causing the doll to close its mouth and glance at its creator.

Brian’s smile was sweet as he crouched down to the child’s height, raising a hand to pat the younger on the head – similar to what he had always done to Jae. “No, he’s not a doll.” Jae blinked. _That’s not accurate, Brian,_ it was supposed to say. _Why are you lying to the child?_ But Jae spoke nothing of its thoughts, and simply watched as Brian held out Jae’s hand – the one he was holding – to the kid. “His name is Jae. Look, he’s warm, right?”

Jae remained silent as the child reached out to its hand, holding onto it with a look of amazement in her eyes. “Oh! He really is warm!” The smile on her features was. . . pure. However it could not understand how the child was able to smile that way with just holding onto its hand. “You really sing nicely, mister Jae! I hope you continue singing!” The child then ran off, but not without waving goodbye at the two older males.

 _Of course,_ Jae would have said. _It’s the purpose of this doll._

But the warmth that it felt from Brian’s hold on its hand seemed to say much more than that. It was not _just_ a doll – _he_ was Jae.

 

**III.**

 

There were visitors in Brian’s home that month. Three men whom Jae had seen only a couple of times during the seven months he had been awakened, but even Jae could tell that they were close enough with his master. Two of them were rather. . . how was he going to describe them? A little too. . . close with each other. Once Jae had witnessed an intimate moment between the two – and no, it was not anything that should be kept in the bedroom. It just felt like something he should not see, for it was too beautiful.

Their names were Wonpil and Dowoon, whom Jae had learned later on were couples and were actually about to be wedded soon.

“Can we have Jae sing for our wedding, Brian?” asked Wonpil, who was standing behind the seated doll, holding Jae’s hands up beside him. “I want the ceremony to be blessed with his voice! Everything’s going to be ten times better if he sings there. Right, sweetie?” Wonpil then turned to his fiancée, who nodded and smiled in agreement.

“Right. You two are invited to our wedding anyway, so why not?”

Brian looked at Jae, a smile on his face. Jae had already noticed this before, but the human smiled a lot. “What do you say, Jae?” Jae blinked, did not understand why his master would put the decision on him, but nevertheless he still nodded as an answer.

“I’ll sing.” Those two words seemed to cheer the couple greatly, and Wonpil leaned down to hug his neck, ruffling the taller’s hair playfully.

“Yes! Thank you, you two! I’ll make sure our wedding’s the best!”

The third man was Sungjin, a friend who had been with Brian since childhood, Jae had heard. He was a doctor, and so he did not have that much time to spare to visit Brian in his mansion deep within the woods. Sungjin and Jae did not talk much, as Sungjin despite almost being a father figure to Brian, decided that it was better to head straight to the point this time.

Jae was not supposed to hear, but the low murmurs and whispers in Brian’s office piqued his curiosity. He stood by the door, hearing heightened by the mere fact that he was a doll, a machine.

“Brian, you know there’s not much time left, right?”

“I know, Sungjin, but–”

“You have to undergo surgery, Brian, if you want to live past this year.”

Jae blinked, and he placed a hand against the wooden door. Surgery? His master? A prolonged silence fell upon the men inside the room, and Jae took that as his cue to leave. It was something that he was not supposed to hear, but now that he knew. . . what was he supposed to do with that knowledge? He did not know. For once, he was not certain of what he should do.

 

 

**IV.**

 

Eight months. That day declared Jae’s eight months of being with Brian. He was eight months old, if one were to ask about his age. For some reason, Brian decided to celebrate it – and by celebrating, he meant that he was simply going to bake cake for the two of them, even though Jae, the celebrant, could not eat even if he had wanted to. Brian asked Jae to help, and so they were in the kitchen. Jae had not known what to do, of course. He was built for singing, not for baking or even cooking, for that matter. But Brian was smiling the whole time the two of them were baking (which was just them creating a mess of the kitchen), laughing as he blew flour toward Jae’s face. Jae was not fond of, let’s say being dirty and a mess, but if it was what would get Brian to laugh like this, he would roll in the mud for the shorter male.

“Happy eight months, Jae,” Brian had said with a bright grin, pulling the male into a hug even though Jae was taller than Brian.

Jae stared at the other’s head for a full moment, before he carefully and awkwardly put his hands around the latter as well, nodding.

“Do you have a wish?” Brian asked, and that was a difficult question, for Jae was made not knowing what to want and what to desire for. He simply gazed into the other’s eyes for a few seconds, the very pair that had made him feel something the first time he had looked at them.

Jae did not blink as he spoke, “I wish to spend more time with you.” His memory came to what he had overheard last month. “Not just a year. I. . .” What was it what Jae truly wanted? He did not know. He was not even aware that he was capable of wishing for something.

Brian did not speak after that, and silence fell upon them. This time, the silence bothered Jae, yet he could not bring himself to break it. Brian’s smile had fallen by then, and Jae wondered if Brian was mad that Jae knew about the things he should not know. Another minute passed by, before Brian’s lips curled up into another one of his smiles, one that Jae had found so natural to see on the man’s face.

“Come with me.”

The view from atop Brian’s— _no, their_ —mansion was simply magnificent. The sky felt more like a canvas rather than an empty void in the sky, the colors orange, pink, red and blue blended like God Himself had painted the masterpiece. Yet Jae’s eyes felt like they were glued to the human (no, angel) beside him, the sky’s hues shining upon the other’s skin. Jae was not certain whether it was the sky or Brian that was complimenting the other more.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Brian had said, and that was the first time Jae had heard the word being used for something he could see. Jae’s gaze was still on the shorter man’s figure when the doll nodded in agreement.

“Yes, it indeed is.” So that was the word that he was looking for. It was the word that he had wanted to use to describe Brian’s eyes, though he could not fully understand its meaning – but now that he did, he could finally say, “your eyes are beautiful, Brian.”

Brian blinked and looked at Jae in surprise, obviously not expecting to hear those words from him, of all people, Jae supposed. However Jae continued to look at Brian without another word, without a change in his expression. His creator chuckled, and Jae thought he could be mistaken when he saw the other’s ears redden.

_(Brian thought he saw the faintest hint of a smile on Jae’s lips.)_

 

**V.**

 

Brian’s body was weak. Jae acknowledged that fully for the first time after eleven months. It was winter, the cold breeze enveloped the earth into a hug – except it was not warm, and Brian’s body was obviously not liking it. Brian kept coughing, and for one time, Jae thought he saw blood on Brian’s hands. Sungjin visited for the third time that year, and Jae had a feeling that the doctor would visit more often after that.

Jae was not supposed to hear, but here he was again, standing by the door to Brian’s office once more. This time, Sungjin’s voice had risen, and Brian was quiet.

“Don’t you realize just how weak your body is, Brian?” Jae could hear a slam on the table. He assumed it was Sungjin’s doing. “You can die any moment and Jae’s not even going to realize that you’re dead!” Brian was silent. Jae did not know how to comprehend the words he was hearing right then. “Listen, Brian,” Sungjin’s voice was much quieter this time. “Take the surgery. Please.”

Jae’s chest felt heavy, which was weird. Jae was not supposed to have a heart – it was simply too impossible for a machine like himself to gain a heart that was meant for humans, not automatons. He clutched the fabric covering his chest, and his expression momentarily morphed into one of confusion. It felt strange. It felt unnatural.

_What is this?_

Suddenly, he heard a thud from the inside and Sungjin’s panicked voice resonated within the mansion. Without another wasted second, Jae had pushed the door opened. He ignored Sungjin’s shocked expression when he saw the doll walk in. Despite the emotionless look that painted Jae’s countenance, his actions told another story. Brian was on the floor, and Jae was quick to hold the man in his arms.

Before Jae could even ask what had happened, Sungjin had already told him to bring Brian to his bedroom. Jae wasted no time in doing so.

Brian looked extremely pale against the dark palette of his sheets, of his bed, and the world seemed much, much dimmer in Jae’s eyes as he gazed down on the human laid upon the mattress. The world seemed much, much quieter and even though it was almost Christmas, the cheerful Eve of December, Jae felt as though the world was dead and lifeless.

Monochromatic. The painting that Jae had crafted in his mind was now monochromatic.

“Sungjin,” Jae called to the other who was standing beside the bed. Jae moved his eyes to the doctor’s figure. _(Sungjin almost thought there was emotion in the doll’s eyes. But that would be pretty impossible, wouldn’t it?)_ Despite the possible severity of the current situation, Jae’s face remained passive as he spoke, “please tell me Brian’s condition right now.”

The words Sungjin spoke were words Jae had anticipated, but it did not answer the question why his chest felt so heavy, and why he felt suffocated even though he did not need to breathe. Brian was weak. Brian was dying. _Brian only has this month left in his life._ Jae had always thought what the two of them had was eternal, this bond between them would last until the ends of time – but what Jae had forgotten was something he had always known, something that he was always reminded of. It was the fact that Brian was human, alive, whereas Jae was not.

He merely ran because of the gas that flowed through his veins instead of blood. It was what made him different from everyone else.

Jae then learned of the things he had not known before. Sungjin had told him that Brian spent his teenage years designing Jae, and spent the rest of those years perfecting the singing doll. Even when Brian should be resting because he had always had a weak body, he did not. Instead he worked on Jae, his only dream and goal in life. Sungjin was crying, not visibly no, but inside. Jae could see it in his eyes.

“I’ll. . . come back with the medicines tomorrow. Please take care of him for me, Jae.”

Jae only nodded, and he heard Sungjin walk away, closing the door as quietly as possible. Jae did not sing again after that day, nor the day after that, and the day after _that_ too.

Jae knew that it was his fault that Brian was like this.

 

**VI.**

           

The days had passed by, and each new morning brought another wave of coldness. Brian was still in bed, unable to get out, too weak to even move on his own. Jae stayed in the mansion taking care of his master, making sure that he saw to each and every need that Brian would require. Sungjin still came by each day to check on Brian, but Jae knew. He knew that it was already so hopeless. Brian had lost more weight than Jae had seen him lose the past months, and Brian _looked_ dead and Jae did not like it.

That morning was a rare one. Brian had sat up with the brightest smile Jae had seen him do in a while. “Come, sit beside me, Jae,” Brian had told the doll, and the latter obliged, sitting on the chair that was by the bed. Jae put Brian’s breakfast above the table by Brian’s bedside. The heavy feeling in Jae’s chest had not subsided yet (and he had a feeling that it would not, _ever_ ). Brian was still smiling as he looked out of the window, where the white wonderland covered the earth in all its glory. “Today’s a beautiful morning, isn’t it?”

 “Yes, indeed,” was Jae’s immediate response.

Brian let out a soft breath, smile still on his face as he turned to face Jae again. “Give me your hand, Jae.” Jae held out his hand, and Brian took it in his own. This time, Brian’s hand was not warm. It was cold, colder than winter, colder than the icy embrace that had surrounded the earth. “You and I both know that I don’t have much time left.”

 Jae could only remain silent. He did not understand the concept of death.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you alone after this.” Brian seemed to understand that Jae’s concept of life was quite limited. “But Wonpil and Dowoon will take you in after their wedding. You still remember them, right?” Jae nodded. Brian’s hold on his hand tightened. “Listen carefully, Jae.” Brian’s voice wavered. “I won’t be here to tell you what to do anymore, but instead, I want you to remember this.” Brian’s hand was shaking, and Jae’s chest ached as Brian’s eyes shined with crystalline tears. “Live your life, Jae. Live, live, and live some more. Sing even more.

You’re _not_ just a singing doll.

You’re my _everything_ , and I want you to know that.”

Brian was crying. Jae could only stare.

His creator tugged him closer, and Jae did, leaning in toward the male. Brian planted a soft kiss upon the skin on Jae’s forehead. Jae’s eyes met Brian’s unfaltering gaze, and Jae’s eyes widened as the latter spoke of words that he did not understand, could not comprehend immediately.

The human’s grip on the doll’s hand loosened, and his body went limp above the bed. The doll, having no idea with what had just transpired, could only look upon the cold body with wide eyes.

“Brian. . .” he called. Why wasn’t Brian opening his eyes? “What. . . what did you mean by _I love you?”_ What was love? What was it? He did not understand what it was. He did not know what that felt like. He needed Brian to answer him, but why wasn’t he opening his eyes? “Hey. . .  Brian, please open your eyes.” Jae held onto his master’s hand tightly, as though the very gesture would wake him up. “Brian.” His voice was a whisper, a plea. “Why aren’t you waking up?”

Jae could feel liquid run down his cheeks. _Are these tears?_

He held the other’s hand to his face, kissing it as he pressed it against his forehead. He was hit by an overwhelming wave of emotions, all too foreign for his non-beating heart. He felt heavy. He was suffocating. Too many things ran through his mind, yet the only words that left his lips were,

_“Please. . . don’t leave me alone.”_

 

Sungjin came in an hour too late. The moment he entered the mansion, he had already felt that something was wrong, yet a soothing voice resonated throughout the place. Jae was singing, Sungjin realized. He felt a lump on his throat as he thought of all the worst possibilities, but he clung onto the single hope that. . . he was not too late, that Brian would still be there, alive and breathing.

But when he entered Brian’s bedroom, the only image that had greeted him was Jae, singing with crystal liquid pouring out of his eyes, holding onto Brian’s hand like a lifeline. Sungjin did not need any explanation. He did not need any confirmation. He could already tell that Brian, his best friend, _was gone_. He leaned against the doorway, letting out the tears he had been holding back far too long. He could only stare at the sight in front of him.

As the sunlight shined through the curtains, casting shadows on the figures by the bed, Sungjin thought he saw wings on Jae’s back on his silhouette.

**Author's Note:**

> HA HA i got inspired by the anime violet evergarden and was listening to its soundtracks the whole time i was writing this :D


End file.
